Sunday, July 23, 2017

Erap Is A Joke!

     I never like Erap. And the recent news about his Manila Bay photo-op fiasco made me dislike him even more. To see Erap Estrada now, running Manila as its mayor is so beyond belief. He's been kicked out of Malacanang in 2001 due to corruption charges, allegedly receiving Php400M from jueteng payola plus Php180M more from tobacco excise funds. Are we Filipinos really that forgetful and forgiving to re-elect people like Erap, over and over again? Or are we just a brown bunch of ignoramuses who get afflicted with dementia every election period? Maybe some of us hallucinate or hear voices that convince us politicians like Erap can be reformed.

    So now here he is, fulfilling his sworn duties and responsibilities (that's sarcasm), participating in a clean-up drive in Manila Bay. But what's wrong with the picture? Or more precisely, what's wrong with the video? Watch and you judge.

     Back in 2013, as a newly elected mayor, Erap said he was not Superman but he will rebuild Manila. I doubted him then, I doubt him more now. I remember one of my professors in college expressing her disgust when she interviewed Erap for Newsweek during his presidency. She said she was ushered into a room full of Erap's bodyguards and barkada, and they were apparently chugging down beers.  So she interviewed Erap in such an informal setting, drunk and slurring his words.

     There's one thing though that I like about Erap - his jokes and the jokes about him. He could be considered as a national treasure for those.  There are a handful of social media sites dedicated to his wisdom (sarcasm again) and comic timing (that is not sarcasm because he does really have good timing, thanks to his acting background). There are even books paying homage to this guy - Eraption: How to Speak English Without Really Trial (which tackles his "carabao" English) and Jokes Ni Erap. Below are some of his quotable quotes. Enjoy! 

Some of my fave made up jokes from Eraption:

  • According to Erap, a pronoun is a noun that's "no longer an amateur."
  • Erap says Joan of Arc is the wife of Noah. 
  • At a restaurant, after motioning with his hands several times to a waitress to get her attention, Erap complains to the manager. "I've been fingering your waitress for a long time, but she does not come." 
  • Interviewer to Erap : Mr. President, I understand that when you were young you were asthmatic.  Erap: No, that's not true... I've always been a Catholic.

(Image from

Actual lines from ex-prez  Joseph "Erap" Estrada.

When asked how he would rate his one-year-old presidency back in 1999:
"On a scale of 1-10, I'm between 75 and 80."

When asked if he's willing to kiss and make up with his nemesis Manoling Morato (who's rumored to be gay):
"Maybe I will be willing to make up, not kiss."

On the naysayers of his Cabinet members:
"Why should I revamp my cabinet that has been performing well? I think we should instead revamp those who are making criticisms."

On countering Catholic Bishops Conference of the Philippines allegation that reviving jai alai was anti-poor:
"Sa aking pananaw, walang masasabi na huhut-hutan ang mga mahihirap diro. Kung mahirap ka, e di wala kang pansugal (In my view, one cannot say that we are profiteering from the poor. Because the poor don't have betting money)."

Monday, February 20, 2017

The Duterte Series: Tongues Wagging, Tables Turning

     Back in September 2016, I wrote about the Davao Death Squad or DDS at the height of Edgar Matobato's testimony before the Senate's Justice and Human Rights Committee. I said back then "when there's smoke, there's fire" and right now the DDS rumor is fuelled some more by the recent revelation of retired SPO3 Arthur Lascanas, the alleged team leader of DDS.  And by the looks of it, Lascanas is ready to talk not only to the media but also to any investigative body.

     I fear that like Matobato, Lascanas will have bashers and detractors from all sides - Malacanang, Senate, Congress and Duterte's troll brigade. However, I'm very optimistic that their numbers - members and victims of DDS - will rise to show just how maniacal our president is. Yes, he's still got staunch supporters (how blind can they be?!) but soon more cracks will be found until Malacanang becomes a humungous sinkhole for Duterte and company to fall into. I would love to see the day when tables are turned, when Duterte sits before an inquiry and is being cussed by many while Radiohead's "Karma Police" plays in the background.

     For more on Lascanas' confession, including his role in his brothers' killings, please click this link